The Thousand Word Picture

miss

2010-12-22T00:55:00.002+08:00

what is wrong with humankind? seriously. humanity is selfish, cruel, and impossibly blind.

everyone can only see their own misfortunes, they seem completely incapable of even the tiniest amount of empathy. is it that hard? even to look from the eyes of another for just a while, and see that nearly everyone has suffered more then your own pathetic self?

and then maybe extend a helping hand? stand up for another, instead of pushing all your woes onto the rest of your 'friends' and enemies. so that you may occupy a higher place in both your own personal world of joy and in reality itself?

because what happens to others, you cannot feel?

and when it happens to you? you proclaim your misery, asking why and how? like you do not deserve it and you are the unluckiest bastard alive.

the way i talk, it almost seems as though i believe in retribution. all i can say is, its a nice idea? but no, i've seen enough to know that for sure, it doesn't exist. not even in the wildest imagination of the most mentally unstable individual in all of time and space.

can't everyone just learn to look at another? is it really that hard? all you have to do, is imagine yourself experiencing what the other person is experiencing now. if you can't imagine even that, then can't you simply try and remember a past scenario u were in? you bastards don't even try.

you only know envy, jealousy, hatred, and self-pity.

oh yes, i almost forgot, what you are best in, as you are clever enough to realize, is that others can suffer in your place, and you employ methods so numerous and sly to put others there, that we really do not need any demons or personifications of evil.

which brings me to the point, blaming a personification of evil for all your own misdeeds? fucking cowards. no one tempted you but your own self. no one gave in to your own temptation but your own self. why is that so hard to admit anyway? everybody looks to blame another for everything, and somehow, they can almost convince themselves it's not even a bit of their fault.

you lie to yourselves, you cause hurt and suffering.

begging for forgiveness from a higher power? you people are the worst of all. the lowest of the low. you only feel sorry now because it has come back to haunt you. you do not want to burn in hell. but you should. you should burn and burn and never die. and suffer forever and ever, with an endless amount of tortures, so you never grow used to the pain of any single one.

is it that difficult? to see the pain of another? to look past your own self serving lies, and grow some balls to actually admit that you can be involved and you can help? to stop making for yourself a stage as tall as possible out of the bodies of those around you?

i suppose it must be?

the gambler

2010-12-20T23:05:00.002+08:00

so many things to do, so much time, zero motivation.

that about sums up what life is like now for me.

christmas is just a few days away, new year jus a couple more after that, and do i have any plans? i guess i do, very vague, somewhere there, unformed plans in my head.

i suppose on christmas i'd wake up early for a change, go have some breakfast for once, at a nice place, like harborfront or maybe dempsey?

then go for a nice long long walk, stop for lunch or dinner along the way, bypass outram to get that peppermint honey. and jus see where i'll end up. hopefully a reservoir or someplace quiet to have a rest.

then sit there and dream for a while, then head home.

new year? i might just try to find somewhere quiet where i can see the fireworks. i dun wan the crowd.

i saw mommy kissing santa claus

2010-09-20T02:32:00.003+08:00

im not really sure what is happening around me right now.

it almost seems as though im just autopiloting through life, going through the motions. only waking up every now and then to realize i have no idea whats going on, and then jus fuck it return to drifting again.

everything seems so simple yet so difficult this way.

why is there this need for people?

loneliness is

scary.

tiring.

cold.

me.

stomp

2010-08-21T23:08:00.003+08:00

someone mentioned in passing this thing in singapore called "stomp" to me today. yeah yeah, i know i live under a fucking rock and have no idea whats going on in the world around me.

so i went to the website and had a look around. what i found was mainly people showing the ugly sides of themselves.

i shall refer to them as 'morons' from now on.

i do not mean the people that are in the posts, being complained against, but the 'morons' themselves, who seem to disregard their fellow men with an almost practiced ease.

inevitably, there are people who flame those who post such idiotic things online in the hopes of rallying supporters to justify their selfishness. and what is even more galling is that the 'morons' will tend to respond defensively, and i even saw a few defensive comments along the lines of this: 'they have not put themselves in other people's shoes'.

now, have you put yourself into the shoes of the person u have just attempted to humiliate over the internet? honestly, i tell u, you have not. you have simply looked at something and judged from your own perspective, without sparing a thought for others, and attempted to defame another person or organization with your own selfish idealizations.

alot of this might be excusable, if only these 'morons' were irrational children of say 5 years old or uneducated and senile individuals. but judging from the way they write and the way they so expertly defend themselves, i would have to judge that they are all thinking and educated adults, who simply do not take the time to look at themselves and prefer to spend that time to critisize everyone else.

all those little moments caught and posted by these 'morons', are mostly things that you see in singapore everyday, and what is sad is if u truly put yourself in the shoes of those people they have just tried to defame, you will realise that it is a perfectly acceptable thing.

perhaps what angers me most is all those posts about people in the saf, service staff, and healthcare workers.

i do not defend the saf, which i personally do not like, but i am speaking about the nsf who make up most of this organisation. honestly speaking, few of us answer this calling willingly. call us what you want, but 2 years of a person's life is a very long time. 2 years of a person's youth is even longer.

most of these posts about the nsf seem to be calling them inconsiderate or shameless. some even have snide or sarcastic comments questioning if this is what we are trained to be. i tell you that you are pathetic.

most of us only get 2 days out a week, and even that is not definite, sometimes we may have to sacrifice our weekends to 'volunteer' at major events, or we may have weekend training, or perhaps we have been punished for reasons that are not neccesarily justified.

our time with the people we love, our time having fun in the world out there, our time to settle our personal issues or participate in most of our interests, is limited to that 2 days every week. so what if a soldier and his girlfriend show affection in public? so what if they fall asleep in mrt seats? so what if they play games in uniform? so what if they use escalators or travelators? is it that wrong? tell me, why are they not allowed? do not give me pathetic reasons about role models or whatnot. every single one of us is human as well, u seem to have conveniently forgotten that in ur idiotic posts. we are generally more tired then you, and more likely to have injuries then you, and also much more deprived compared to you.

we spend 2 years of our lives in a thankless organisation, for a thankless society, who thinks that we should become a group of lifeless individuals, holding all our fatigue inside till we finally die. and do you think these 'morons' will stop complaining then? i doubt it. they will probably find something new about us to complain about.

now, about service staff, i see so many complaints saying that we are slow, rude, do not speak properly, are unable to understand your language, or do not allow you to take seats at tables even though they are empty because they are reserved.

pardon my language but what the fuck do you expect? a straight backed individual with an impeccable command of every language in the world, and who is also the boss of the restaurant he is currently serving in as a waiter? the customer is always right, what bullshit.

foreigners naturally may not be able to speak the language u are familiar with. so if they get orders wrong or do not understand you, is it not perfectly understandable? you should be guiding them and helping them along. if all u do is complain and make their life more difficult and then leave, because you are satisfied that you have made someone's life miserable and it is no longer any of your business.

what do you mean we are slow, or pretend not to see you? i tell you, usually we are very busy people, and unfortunately not all of us are capable of doing 5 or 6 things at one time while thinking of another 20 or so things at the same time like you. alot of these 'morons' claim we are chatting rather than serving them, in my experience, their definition of chatting usually refers to a few minutes of stolen conversation while waiting for say, food to be cooked so we can serve them.

and also, we are not the ones who set the rules at the restaurants, ur portion is too small? our prices to exorbitant? we do not decide these details. the boss does, and do we look like the boss to you? complaining to us, and insulting us for all these things, is useless and just show how retarded you are, to think that perhaps we stole half your pasta and hid it in a secret location.

if we say our manager is busy, then he is busy, that is why he is not free to come to you, and if he listens to you and smiles and agrees with you, that shows that he is just a bastard who does not respect his own staff.

by the way, being irritated for not being able to sit at tables that are empty but reserved is just plain fucking stupid. do u even understand what the word reserved means? the reason its empty, is because its reserved. so no, you cannot sit there even though its empty now, even though ur amazing almighty 'logic' claims otherwise.

what do you know about the inside of a hospital or how a clinic works? i tell u, u know nothing at all. we sleep in public? whats wrong with that? i used to work in one of the busiest wards in a hospital, and sometimes i did not even have the time to go to the toilet, do u think i had the time to eat? do you think i could even have the chance to take a seat? of course i would be tired after my shift.

u complain about long waiting times, and you think this is the fault of the hospital, something about our efficiency or whatnot. i tell u, the long waiting times are because of all you patients. tell me, how many of you actually listen to the advice of people whol tell you to stop living sedentary lifestyles? how many of you follow every single safety precaution there is? acnd tell me, how many of you are visiting the doctors for reasons that are covered by the above? and for those who think that you are dying, because you have a fever or have dislocated your shoulder and the pain is unbearable, you are not. there is a reason why the accident and emergency section exists in a hospital, ACCIDENT and EMERGENCY. your fucking fever will not kill you in the next half hour, neither will your poor painful stomach. it will not kill you for the next fucking 10 years even. though it probably should, judging by the specimen of humanity you are. fucking get in line and queue up, everyone else there is sick or has some injury as well, just because you can't feel their pain, and can only feel your own does not mean you are more important than everyone else. there is a triage counter where we see if you are an urgent case, and there are classifications of urgency, if your waiting time is too long, it does not mean we are wasting your time. in fact, it probably means you are fucking wasting OUR time and effort by being too panicky on some minor thing, or just too weak to handle a little pain.

so you want to buy medicine without seeing the doctor, just because it has already been prescribed somewhere else but are told you cannot? its the fucking law, and its a very good fucking law. if you do not understand, use what is left of your own fucking retarded brain and think about it for a while. what if this clinic sells a different form of medicine? something that contains a slightly different mix, and what if you are allergic to that extra ingredient? of course the doctor would know, if you saw him and told him when he asked, but right now you're deciding to bypass the doctor entirely aren't you?

somehow i feel that this website should be shut down. it was perhaps a good idea on paper, and i do see the stories that are what this website is really about. but it's just too depressing to see that the bulk is made up of things like what i have mentioned above.

all the 'morons' out there, please stop ruining the lives of others. the things you post do have an effect you know. when i was in bmt we were repeatedly told of all kinds of things the public complained about. and i can frankly say that some of them are mentioned above, and almost all are simply ridiculous and extremely selfish. those complaints affected us as we were no longer allowed to do alot of things. while i was a service staff, i saw many people, myself included, get scolded or lose their jobs because of one too many unthinking customer. and while i was a healthcare worker, i witnessed many people being what they thought was perfectly reasonable, but they are actually being unreasonable, and i tell u, the hardest part of being a healthcare worker is not cleaning up after patients or being exposed to hazards. its you people, making us feel like we have done wrong, when all we are trying to do is to help save lives. people quit because they cannot take it anymore. its depressing and tiring.

all you 'morons' out there. fuck you.

when the cold wind blows

2010-08-10T00:47:00.003+08:00

friendster is still ALIVE!!!!!! =DD

i have jus realised tat friendster is no longer the simple and easy to use social networking website of the past. it is now tis bloody chim thing tat defies my limited knowledge of computers actively.

I AM GETTING OLD FOR FUCKS SAKE.

everytime i see someone else's birthdate, it seems to end with the numbers 1991 or higher. come on! y does the whole world seem so young?

tat aside, i realise weird stuff has been happening alot lately, and it's been occupying my mind constantly.

1. on and off, i dream i'm married and on holiday. we even have a daughter, and i'm happy and at peace during these dreams. in my whole life, i have always had nightmares as far as i can remember. this dream does not even change into a nightmare halfway or something. somehow, they scare me worse when i wake then the nightmares.

2. i am unable to rationalise the things i do on purpose more and more often. the little things i do not care. it's the major things, forgetting a large part of my life for example, and being unable to even understand why i would want to forget it in the first place.

3. remembering whole memories and things i can do very suddenly, without warning. for example, i remembered i could write with my left hand, and just like that, i could write with it again, after over 5 years of not being able to write with it.

4. i kinda hate home now. i'd invent reasons to get out of home early, or just leave for the sake of not being there, and i'd end up just wandering around somewhere,

5. on the same note, my lonesome wanderings are happening almost as often as they used to, i dun wan that to happen.

6. i've realized that i have brought people to places i thought were private to me. places i never thought i would bring people to. places i go when the world becomes too much and i just wanna be alone and dream. and i cannot understand why i would ever even want to bring anyone to those places.

7. sudden random interests are popping up everywhere, and things i used to be interested in jus suddenly become uninteresting. this may sound normal, but its way too random and sudden to be.

and these are just those things that are off the top of my head, there are plenty more where those came from.

on a brighter note, apparently i've left something to repair myself with. although this is jus a kinda hopeful speculation at best, but the pieces seem to fit, and i'm kinda content to let things run their own course. actually i don't think i actually have much of a choice, things seem to be a bit out of control, and the thing that i have the least control over, is suprisingly myself.

i'm suprised too.

2010-05-20T16:03:00.002+08:00

every choice i make seems wrong. i once thought jus choose and i would live with watever came out of tat choice wif no regrets. it worked too. for a while. till everything jus kept going wrong. i dun wan tis anymore. come for me. please.

help help help

2010-05-11T20:39:00.000+08:00

help...

------------------

2010-05-03T19:44:00.002+08:00

im bored, seriously super bored. pretty much nth can occupy my mind properly anymore, and i dun have the freedom to do wat can occupy it when it can help.

i find tat when the situation is this way, i start doing random meaningless things. buying stuff, observing things, thinking.

stretch, bend, pull.

2010-03-24T22:40:00.002+08:00

seriously. whats going wrong? i find myself spinning out of my control. its getting worse. i have no idea y. and for the first time in my life, i truly do not feel i can just fuck this and go on.

mood swings and ignoring the pple who need me. am i truly becoming cold?

im afrad. truly and honestly. afraid to admit im afraid.

im afraid what you told me will come true. i really might break this time, i might no longer be able to bend any further. and i dun wanna break. you're not here to save me. and i need you.

plese someone. help me. i need help

.

shiny things

2010-03-20T12:08:00.002+08:00

another graduation parade is over now. time really is subjective. when i look back now, i find it has gone by in a flash. a myriad of colors and shapes, people and things. but when i search my memory, i cannot justify the flash tat i see. it was simply too many things, too much for just tat one flash.

our brain is beautiful and deadly i guess. how nice it would be. to be forever.

but i guess tats wat they say about not liking change.

2010-03-12T20:52:00.002+08:00

i think im going kinda psycho.

random emotions jus come and go non stop. and they really affect me.

i could be smiling and laughing one moment, and frowning at the bloody floor 10 mins later.

izzit coz i've been sick for too damn long? or perhaps the lack of my wanderings?

my mood literally swings, but the wind seems to like too many random directions.

help?

2010-02-16T04:49:00.002+08:00

if i could buy anything, i would buy time. but if i could sell anything, i would sell goodness.

every little bit of goodness in the world, i would search for it, steal it.

bottle it up in small glass jars.

lable each and every one of them, all the different types, kindness, happiness, peace.

and then the problem would arise, who to sell it to?

should i search for the highest bidders? those who would pay a small fortune, not caring about their purposes, for a collection, to save another, or perhaps to enrich a single life. i would'nt care.

or perhaps i should sell them to those whose hearts are black as coal, to make the world a better place. till everyone in the world had pure white hearts full of goodness and nothing else.

but somehow, i get this funny feeling no one would want to buy my bottled goodness, so i might just hoard them to myself, keeping them safe in a beautiful cupboard. wear the key around my neck always, never taking it off.

i really do think no one would want to buy goodness. what for?

there's supposed to be a small ray of goodness in every heart anyway, so why buy something you already have? and if you're truly evil, why buy something you do not want?

fireflies and fantasies

2010-01-31T21:05:00.002+08:00

when i was really young, there were two things that were all i really ever wanted for xmas, my birthday, or whatever other weird occasion that presents had to be given.

i wanted the biggest snow globe in the world, as well as the biggest hourglass ever.

every time i walked past shops which sold either of these, i would stop and stare. watching the snow fall around miniature figures forever frozen in time, straining my ears for the sound of time rustling through that little hole. i have no idea why, but they just kinda fascinated me.

all i wanted was to stand there forever, map the flight of each flake, feel the time of each grain. but of course, my life is not my own, and others would not allow me to pursue my own childish selfish whims.

as i grew older, i decided i wanted a shelf, i would collect rare pieces from all over the world, display them in my shelf, and over time, i would have to buy more and more shelves, till it would seem i was collecting shelves instead.

but i never ever started.

i can think of quite a few excuses, but i can feel the half buried true answer somewhere deep inside. and because i do not want to admit it just yet, it remains sealed and buried in that little maze.

thinking back, perhaps all i ever wanted to buy, to obtain, to be given, were peace and time.

solemnity

2010-01-01T03:30:00.002+08:00

so, 2010 has arrived! the time has come for people get to drunk, laugh, cheer, and make resolutions they're probably never gonna keep anyway.

why though, is everyone celebrating?

is it because its a special day? but what makes this day different from any other? everything in the day and night stays the same.

maybe because they feel they can leave it all behind with the old year and start fresh with the new? then why can't everyone just do tis for any other day? why can't you say i'm gonna leave behind all my troubles with yesterday, and start anew with today instead of the old and new years?

perhaps it is significant in the cosmos, the complete revolution of our earth or what not? but what does that have to do with us? it does not affect any human in the slightest. it does not save the world or help it, neither does it damn the world or hurt it.

to commemorate the passing of time? to have something to count? to have an aim in life?

the possibilities are endless.

in my view, perhaps it is simply to have another holiday, another day whereby you can ignore life, its chains and hooks. you can ignore everything, go out, have fun, party, have a quiet night. for mankind is enslaved to its own rules. and it never realizes it.

the chains around your ankles may have been inspired by many things, but ultimately, they were forged and shackled around your own ankles, one by one, by you.

its bad to steal, earn your own bread and butter, you are born with what you have.

countless chains with different names.

but you hold the key to those chains, and you may not realize it, but you unlock them very often.

have you ever talked down to someone? laughed at him for what he was born with, told jokes about him, ganged up with friends to embarrass him. perhaps that retarded looking boy in class? how awkward his motions are! how stupid he sounds when he speaks! he sounds like a duck! he moves like a penguin!

congratulations, you have just unlocked the chain name 'bullying is bad'. among several others.

what about showing your riches in public? i have jewelry, money, you do not have it. it gives a feeling of pride does it not?

a chain named 'share your fortunes' has been unlocked by your own hands.

countless chains people unlock everyday, somewhat unknowingly, somewhat unconsciously. for we are forever fully aware of our actions and the damage it does. but it is in many people to feel the satisfaction of what little power they possess.

so why do these chains exist? because they restrict us from doing bad things? perhaps not.

maybe its because people do not want these things to happen to them. and so they pretend that if they do not do those things to others, it will never happen to them. while all the while happily doing it.

perhaps its because everyone has an image of a noble pure self inside them. that wonderful person loved and respected by everyone. and they strive to be that person. but fail miserably.

and this is more common knowledge, but the keys have names too.

the whole set of keys is named 'excuses'.

it was fun, its ok if no one notices, no one could possibly be hurt from this, that person is weak, they deserve it.

all excuses.

so why live with those chains? they stop you from breathing. they take away your freedom. they rob your life of what carefree joys you might have had.

learn that there are not only two sides to a coin, and learn to use that to your own advantage. for life is a magnitude of endless possibilities. don't tether yourself beside the abyss.

explore, discover, create.

never stop, and you will never get tired.

~~

2009-12-21T04:48:00.002+08:00

pop-ed, walked left a bit, right a bit, jumped a bit.

slacked a bit, chiong-ed a bit.

but i still feel the same.

have you ever wondered wat life could be like if u chose every single step? i think it would be kinda boring, the suprises would never be there anymore, and think of all the work u had to do, deciding all the way. me, i hate to make decisions, hate the responsibility, but i still find myself deciding, still find pple looking to me for answers. so somehow along the way, without realising it i slowly made pple who i dun have to see every day move away from me. making life easier, and more boring. and upon realising this, only grew more fascinated with tis capability.

self destruction is an addictive thing.

you start, and somehow u can never stop. it pulls u in, and u dun ever wanna let go.

its like the urge to jump into an abyss, tat endless blackness, drawing u in, pulling you further out. and you hear the wind whisper of the joy. but then the fear comes and tugs at your sleeve, calling you away, far away and numb it might feel. but the temptation was there, and will always be. oh so strong, oh so sweet.

so ponder this, if the steps u chose, slowly came to an impassable abyss, would u walk on? or would you stop there, unable to go back, afraid to go forward? or perhaps u might be one who could see the paths to the side, and perhaps, those paths might not be lined with flowers, but life instead, could you walk then?

listen to my glass song
never realised why it sounded wrong
it found me in my head
followed me till i was dead
i used to find, see and hear
but only what i knew was fear
a moth, a flower, a moonlit night
no one there to hold you tight
and when you're alone and warm
across the horizon you see the storm
but you walk boldy without expectations
to quail at its magnificent silence
such peace, beauty and time
in so violent a force is a crime
but as the people stare in wonder
your morals are torn asunder
so you follow what is the crowd
and you cry, but never out loud
till in the end you change
and life becomes but a game
you become a player of chess
a grandmaster, above the rest
never showing whats in your heart
silently groaning as it tears apart
and so your life drags on
and you never suspect what went wrong
and one day when you finally do
your heart's already torn in two
so you tear and tear
till you have too many pieces to spare
then you throw them away
to the winds, sea, night and day
and then you dream of the glass song
that haunts u forever, till you're gone

2009-05-01T17:11:00.002+08:00

never really figured wat next steps are.

never really wondered how to break chains, ropes, or shackles.

never wanted to run more than now.

never let even a shred of hope lighten the world.

never felt hope torn away so easily.

never ever wanted to die so much.

somewhere in between

2009-03-21T11:47:00.002+08:00

so wat has happened in the 1 month+ tat i've neglected tis pathetic outlet for my thoughts?

i've

1> had two more piercings, bringing the total to 7 piercings not including the other two tat closed.

2> been and back from kl, which was kinda more fun than i actually expected it to be.

3> seen certain pple dance more sexily than i thought they actually could.

4> spent more time then what i initially decided with some pple

5> dug a deep hole for myself, and realised too late i'm filling it with large amounts of the stickiest elephant crap that ever existed.

and plenty more sick stuff, which i dun really wanna mention coz even though im pretty sure no1 comes here at all, theres always tat off chance. no matter how small, tat some bugger is stalking tis paticular space on the net. or mayb some bored asshole could jus google my name and find tis.

oh yeah, and i've recently heard of a beetle or insect or watever tat apparently is capable of shitting fire. yep, u heard me rite, the goddamn bug SHITS FIRE. apparently it stores some kinda gas or chemical or watever in its body and some kinda godforsaken chemical reaction allows it to deliver a whole world of fucking pain, to whichever unfortunate dumbass who took its incredible cuteness too literally and try to bring it home. i think its called the bombardier beetle or watever the fuck, so go google and be awed by the awesome power tat mother nature has left on earth to fuck our shit up.

jus imagine the lives of those poor little insect toilet cleaners everytime these little guys have a case of diarrhea.

AHHHH

2009-02-22T18:36:00.004+08:00

i'm fricking tired now, i've been awake for roughly 16 hours according to my computer.

AND I'M FRICKIN TIRED.

and i'm going to kl tomorrow. any1 wan souvenirs? =)

lizards and sinks

2009-02-04T01:05:00.003+08:00

i saw a lizard in my kitchen sink yesterday.

it was crawling around and couldn't climb out coz the walls of the sink were wet and slippery.

so i covered the drain, and started filling the sink wif water. and i found out lizards can swim. which was kinda disappointing coz i initially wanted to drown it. so i stood hoping it would gif up and drown.

then i gave up and opened the drain again hoping it would get washed into the drain itself, but it somehow managed to stay outside. so i started filling a cup with water and pouring it over the lizard hoping to wash it into the drain.

i have to say, the damn lizard had a pretty good knack for survival.

so i gave up eventually and jus picked it up and threw it out the window.

i was standing at the sink for nearly 3 hours.

i'm a sadistic motherfucker.

i was frickin bored.

50 random things

2009-01-22T02:24:00.003+08:00

1) i'm damn scared of mirrors, but i have 2 in my room
2) and i tend to stand in front of one of them and stand there jus staring at it for a looong time
3) i enjoy digging my ears. its shiok =D
4) i dun drink enough water
5) i always need to pee, and drinking less water doesn't help
6) my palms are always hot, even when i feel damn cold
7) i love my oxygen
8) sleeping is the only thing i really enjoy
9) when i'm at home and not sleeping, i'm watching anime
10) most of the clothes i own have holes in them, including underwear
11) i dun enjoy playing games anymore
12) i'm always bored
13) is my favourite number, i think
14) i decide things easily, coz i simply dun care
15) i'm actually damn fucking lazy
16) learning to play the harmonica has always been a dream of mine, but i'm jus too lazy
17) when i'm very quiet, i'm jus being me, so dun ask me wat's wrong
18) my automatic excuse for everything is "i'm tired"
19) i try to always smile, coz pple tend to ask less questions when ur smiling
20) i actually dun have a preference for a single genre of music
21) i dun watch tv at all
22) i can cross stitch
23) folding origami is one of the few things i'm good at
24) my heart beats faster than it should, it's ard 90+ to 100+ when im resting, i have seen 160
25) my hobby is reading
26) money doesn't seem to stay very long with me, i have no savings
27) whenever i do something totally random or stupid, i'm bored, and trying to spice up my life
28) i have such a lousy memory that it's shocking i can remember half of my name
29) although i can memorise most things in less than 5 mins if i have to, i'm jus too lazy to do so
30) i've never bothered to study in my life
31) i believe school is a fucking waste of time, i've never had to use what i learned in real life.
32) my likes and dislikes fluctuate drastically and constantly
33) i'm actually aware that i look like a girl sometimes
34) i really can read ur mind ;)
35) theres a whole folder of poetry i wrote myself on my laptop, and a whole file of it somewhere
36) i have plenty of extremely unneccesary but useful applications in my laptop and phone
37) actually i have never lied in my life, white lies and half lies unincluded
38) whether i help or not, and to what extent, depends on my mood, which fluctuates too often
39) i'm a loner at heart
40) i don't think anyone actually visits my blog, but i write here anyway, coz i'm bored
41) i noe a hell of alot of people, but i never do try to keep in touch with most of them
42) i used to shoot passersby from my window with a pellet gun jus for fun.
43) when i say things like "i'm lazy to sleep", or "i'm lazy to shit", i'm actually serious
44) i can hold my breath for damn long
45) most of the time, all i wanna do is jus enjoy the air, the view or whatever. in silence
46) my room is only neat coz my mom packs it when i'm not looking
47) i really can't read or write in chinese anymore
48) how i behave depends on who i wanna be at tat point of time
49) i'm full of completely random general knowledge
50) i do have a favourite flower, it's the tulip

take us where we wanna go

2009-01-11T01:37:00.002+08:00

recently, ive been reading things like [100 ways to annoy people]. and im actually contemplating which of the items on the lists that i can actually practice in my everyday life. am i really so bored? am i really so interested in making the life of others a living hell jus for the benefit of my own sadistic humor?

i guess i am actually.

so watch out all, ur lives are about to be highly irritating.

=D

iolite

2009-01-01T22:12:00.003+08:00

no, im not happy/in a good mood/giving u a real smile/actually thinking of ur well-being.

so get the fuck away. leave me alone.

marigold leaves

2008-12-26T00:07:00.005+08:00

i really should update more often. not that theres any1 in particular who even remotely cares or actually visits this page even in my wildest, most spectacularly patronising dreams.

its not that i dun haf stuff to talk abt, its tat i dun really wanna put the stuff out in the open sometimes. and the rest of the stuff i dun care who sees? well, im jus too lazy to update it when i rmb to, and im nvr gonna rmb to update it ever.

anyway, its been a bumpy ride so far, and i've decided i really DO care abt the way things turn out, which is irritating, highly irritating. so irritating that all i wanna do rite now is curl up in the proverbial corner and jus be by myself for all of time to come.

so im waiting for the first opportunity i can get to run away from everything here, i wish i could have a permanent getaway, but sadly, the longer you live, the more things hold u in a single spot. and 19 years is definitely long enough for life to dig its claws so deep in your heart, that any attempt to betray it's will is definitely gonna hurt real bad. real fucking bad.

so im jus wishing for a temporary one. im not greedy. i'd take a few days away, jus dissappear for awhile, and mayb i'll get better along the way.

or perhaps life will be kind for once, and i'd finally find those things i've been searching for all this while, and that will make leaving so much easier.

fucking shit

2008-12-05T22:44:00.003+08:00

im really really not sure what the fuck is wrong now.

something jus seems off.

u ever had one of those feelings?

like u come home one day, step into ur room, and u feel like its kinda different, but u cant tell wats different abt it. and it makes you feel kinda uncomfortable.

as if some1 came in while you were gone and shifted everything in ur room exactly 1 degree counterclockwise or something.

thats the way i feel now.

but its not how i feel abt my room.

its how i feel abt a whole portion of my life.

and its not the past, its the portion thats labelled "present-near future"

in other words, the things that i probably gotta noe to prevent shit from falling on my head.

how i hate my life.

left me lonely and cold

2008-11-17T13:28:00.002+08:00

im gonna have to drag myself to school sometime soon. at least in the next 3 hours. and its raining, why couldnt it rain yesterday? when i was enjoying my sleep? today, when i have to wake up early (afternoon is early for me), it rains.

not only does the rain make me lazy 2 get up and tired, it also makes going out difficult for me. i like rainy days because i can sleep at home, but it seems that today i will be deprived of one of my few joys in life.

prcp has been boring so far anyway.

you're barely waking

2008-10-31T06:53:00.003+08:00

have not been sleeping really well recently, feeling a different type of fatigue too. it feels like my body is just kinda numb, my eyes burn, and my head jus seems to spin when i stand. i noe tis kinda sounds normal for some1 wif lack of sleep, but believe me, u have to feel it to really noe. its kinda 'off' from the normal sensations of fatigue i have known up till now. it feels much worse. and the best part is it seems to make me have difficulty both in getting to sleep and maintaining that sleep. and no, i cant sleep whenever i want to now, at least not when im at home.

its fucking irritating

midnight bottle

2008-10-25T04:01:00.003+08:00

reasons why i dun update

1) i've got a bloody lousy memory, forgetting i got a blog and forgetting topics i can write
2) pure utter complete laziness
3) a lack of topics (refer to reason 1)

yep, that's the rundown of the basic reasons why i dun update.

anyway, im having holidays now, jus finished my attachments in various hospitals, and my next one is starting soon, in abt a week or two actually. i'll be gone for abt 3 months tis time, then after tat it's gonna be holidays, graduation, hopefully more holidays, and then ns.

oh yeah, i have a friend who managed to sprain his ankle while asleep.

yes i know, WTF?

even i, wif my overactive and excessive imagination, have no bloody fucking idea how such an imcomparable feat of ingenousity was managed. i mean, how the fuck do u sprain ur ankle while ur sleeping, feel nothing at all, and only realise it when u wake up the next day? is tat fella a bloody sleepwalker or something? did he dream he was running away from some mad axe man, chasing him coz he stole the magical golden comb of pubic hair from the holy pink flying elephants of doom? then he accidently fell and sprained his ankle?

the world is truly an interesting place, without any doubt. im seriously starting to believe anything is possible.

when i was with you

2008-10-11T23:37:00.002+08:00

my attachment in the OT has been pretty interesting to say the least, saw lots of stuff i dun think i would ever get the chance to see again there, but i dun think i would like to work there. its too competitive an environment in certain ways that are unacceptable to me.

you don't have to call me

2008-08-30T06:20:00.003+08:00

yes, i have not slept yet! WAHAHAHA!

i've reverted to my normal lifestyle/sleeping pattern, which my father likes to call the vampireor my mother calls the demon/ghost. and tat gives a pretty damn good picture of how a normal me is like. and i can only do this when i have holidays, for obvious reasons.

seriously, pple should spend their lives hiding from the heat of day and playing around in the cool of night. its so much more comfortable and exciting. =D

anyway, this badge u see is my happy belated birthday present from my little sister, and i kinda like it. actually i like it very much.

=D

sunshine on my window

2008-08-17T05:39:00.003+08:00

ok, fuck. FUCK. i keep forgetting i've got a bloody blog. =.= sometimes i seriously dunno wtf is occupying the space my brain is supposed to be.

i would guess most people would have given up on tis blog by now, and any readers i might have had would most probably have stopped coming to look at my pathetic entries here.

but im gonna update whenever i remember abt tis blog anyway. like now for example.

so ummm, recent events.

I'VE SPENT NEARLY 500 BUCKS THIS MONTH SO FAR~!!!!!!

ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

im broke, so damn fucking broke. =(

seriously.

theres 2 bucks left in my wallet now.

$20.55 in my bank which is un-withdrawable coz u need a minimum of $1 in the account.

a couple coins, which optimistically should add up to around $2 more.

and NOTHING left for the rest of the month.

i guess i could just find a job. which im too lazy 2 do right now.

or i could go stand under some street lamp and try selling matches.

=(

hate how much i love you

2008-07-19T20:58:00.003+08:00

oh laptop darling, i hate u so. fuck u deep deep. please burn in hell.

y do i have to work so hard to get you to connect to the internet? i know you're old and wrinkly, that i haven't been taking good care of you lately, that you basically suck. and i also know im selfish for asking so much of u while giving u so little, but think of all the fun times we had together, and im sure u can find a reason to repair ur own ass, coz im not forking out a cent to get it repaired.

when the stars go blue

2008-07-06T22:20:00.002+08:00

i hate kids, but im really not sure y they like me so damn much. and im also really not sure at all why im so friendly to them when i hate them this much. i noe wat pple say tat every1 was a kid once, and tats how kids are, but u usually notice tat these are the same people who scold their kids and call other people childish.

you might not be real

2008-07-03T00:52:00.002+08:00

oh blog! ive neglected u for so long! dun worry, ur not dead yet! i shall not kill u so fast.

why did i stop using u? its kinda a lame answer, i actually forgot i have a blog. =.=

yes, my memory is really horrible, terrible, and some say vegetable.

true?

2008-06-01T01:31:00.001+08:00

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

SLEEP

2008-05-27T23:13:00.002+08:00

im too damn fucking tired now, and i cant fucking sleep. its not tat i wanna sleep but jus cant seem to fall asleep, its that i WANT to fucking fall asleep and i CAN fucking fall asleep if i want to, but ive got to do my fucking project before i can collapse on my beautiful bed.

you know, its moments like tis where u start to hallucinate, i can actually hear my bed calling my name rite now. its saying "COME SLEEP!!!! COME SLEEP!!!!! oh yeah, u cant, you've got PROJECTS to do. SUCKER."

yep, my bed is a motherfucker. just the other day i had an argument with her about the significance of underwear color. she was of the opinion that bright yellow underwear should be worn on the outside with black pants. i was gravitating towards bright red. after all, superman cant be wrong rite? he's the fucking man of steel and all.

i haf no idea wat the fuck is going on in my mind.

2008-05-12T03:31:00.002+08:00

i really should start doing my homework when i have the time instead of constantly thinking i dun wanna do it, putting it off till the wee hours of the night, then finally getting down to it, and then finishing it it less then 20 mins and then bitching abt how i could have been sleeping in my beautiful bed long long ago if only i started it when i was supposed to.

on a side note, i've started using facebook, and i'm finding it fucking difficult to use. maybe i'm old already, maybe i've reached the age where i complain that computers are too fucking difficult to understand, let alone use. but so far all i know how to do is add people and accept invitations. heck, sometimes i dun even noe when i've been sent a friend invitation. but add me anyway, i'll accept u someday, somehow.

chee bye schedule

2008-05-07T20:33:00.004+08:00

ok, even i have started to notice that tis semester is a bit too fucking cramped. we had a practical test on friday, a theory test today, napfa test tomorrow, and another practical plus a presentation on tis coming friday.

WHAT THE FUCK?

u think we're machines or computers or something? key in a queue of commands and let the fucking computer do whatever shit u wan it to?

CHEE BYE LA

dreaming

2008-05-06T00:11:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, while i was sleeping,
I dreamt, and woke up weeping.
In my reality, i met everyone i ever saw,
Jane and John Doe, some i can't recall.
We were walking along a lonely road,
It wasn't hot, it wasn't cold.
And one by one, as we walked on by,
My friends, one by one, they died.
My whim never provided a reason,
Why one by one they turned cold and ashen.
You may think I was weeping because,
All the ones I loved were lost,
But I was only afraid because,
I knew I would die the last.

wishes

2008-05-03T19:21:00.005+08:00

if the devil gave me a wish today,
I wouldn't know what to do.
i might just wish to see you once more,
To spend one last day with you.
we could fly a kite, have a snowball fight,
As long as can be true.
but when the day is up, i would realize
I cannot once more say adieu.
i would be truly broken and torn,
Feel all the grief i kept overdue.
so if the devil gave me a wish today,
I think i know what i would do.
i would wish for a painless death,
And walk eternity with you.

wash hands

2008-04-30T20:16:00.003+08:00

preliminary wash, medical handwash, apply soap, scrub, wash below elbow.
preliminary wash, scrub, wash.

we learned how to wash our hands before stepping into the o.t. yesterday. and i really wish someone would jus invent some machine that cleans our hands safely and well, all we haf to do is stick our bloody hands in. instead of waving them in the air for a total of abt mayb 300 up and down motions, though im sure its more. and no, im not exaggerating here. on a side note though, after u do the whole thing PROPERLY, ur hands feel really damn clean. it feels kinda nice and weird at the same time. and its actually a very big difference that you can feel before and after.

arghhhhh

cellphone addict

2008-04-21T01:07:00.004+08:00

ok, i jus woke up again. it's 1.07 am, i have to wake up at 6.30 tomorrow, and i have 17 missed calls on my phone.

i could mention that i haf 2 voicemail messages as well, but the problem being these voicemail messages are not REAL voicemail messages. i mean, they are voicemail messages, jus not REAL ones. =D i enjoyed typing tat. im a sad boy.

so wat did tat load of crap i jus enjoyed typing actually mean?

basically, theres tis one thing abt singaporeans. i dunno if it applies to other countries, but i heard tat some other asian countries and most western countries dun have tis thing. wat is tis thing? well, this thing is basically, drumroll please, THE FEAR OF LEAVING A VOICE MESSAGE!!!

so tats the background, now wat did i mean by those voicemails not being real voicemails? now its time to IMAGINE.

IMAGINE ur calling some1, the lowlife doesnt wanna pick up the phone, and so u get redirected to voicemail.

now, a typical singaporean will hang up at tis point of time, too afraid of the perils of leaving ur vocal imprint in the tape recorders of telecommunications FOREVER.

there are, however, some exceptions to tis hard and fast singaporean logic. for example, there are those who call u, and instead of lifting the phone to their ear to listen to the classical music of "ring ring", they pretend they have magical invisible earpieces on instead, and leave the phone in their hands, hoping tat some higher power will guide their wayward eyes to the screen, in order to notice tat the call has gotten through, and some poor soul is hello-ing his/her lungs out wondering y his/her friend has prank called him/her, or worse, something has happened to his/her friend. but sometimes the satisfaction of realising the caller has to pay for the few seconds or even minutes of background noise u haf to put up wif is worth it, especially if u haf free incoming calls in ur mobile plan, and the financial suffering is not mutual.

and the voicemail messages that are not REAL come from tis category of humanity. wat happens is, the receiver is either
1) unwilling to answer calls from tis particular caller
2) engaged in the very process of procreation
3) asleep or unable to hear his/her irritating ringtone for some reason
and tis results in the caller being redirected to voicemail. and wat happens after? well, since these particular type of callers rely on the will of fate to realise their call has gotten through,
and every once in a while the powers that be will get bored of reminding their dumb brains that they have made a call.

these my friends, is the voicemail message left by this particular category of humanity, it is an enchanting medley of the shouts of the durian seller, the moans of a drunkard, the screams of pre-pubescent children, the roar of traffic, or even the echo of a bathroom. and if ur lucky, u might hear sounds of a more beneficial nature, which i shall leave up to ur IMAGINATION.

ahhh, it sounds almost philosophical when i put it tat way.

today...

2008-04-07T00:48:00.005+08:00

i went to watch the movie 'rogue' today, its abt crocodiles. and its a fucking BORING show. i nearly fell FUCKING ASLEEP during the FUCKING BORING movie. its basically abt these pple who go on a tour, and their boat gets attacked by a giant crocodile while they're looking for some refugees or whatever the fuck. and most of them die. but one of them follows the blardy croc to it's den and kills the ass plus saves the damsel in distress, who is half dead by now. more like 9 tenths fucking dead actually.

reading it here, it sounds not bad. but it seriously SUCKS. it FUCKING SUCKS.

moral of the story: dun watch shows S chooses. they suck.

2008-04-06T02:17:00.001+08:00

i jus woke up, and im hungeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

theres nth at home for me 2 eat.

HUNGREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

HUNGRY HUNRGY HUNGRY

HUNGREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

lalala bored lalala

2008-04-05T02:05:00.004+08:00

1. Whose picture is it that you keep
in your wallet?
guanyin o.O

2. What time do you go to bed?
when the sun rises, or a little after tat.

3. What was the last thing you did
before filling this survey?
open the movie i wanna watch on tis website for it 2 buff

4. Who's the one you always meet the
most?
boon?

5. Who's the person you're gonna call
if you need help?
my inner self =D

6. What's on your mind just now?
faster buff faster buff faster buff

7. Kissed a complete stranger?
half stranger counts?

8. With whom do you wanna have fun?
beautiful girls =D

9. When was the last time you went
out?
yesterday! all my troubles seemed so far away~

10. What do you hate the most for now?
the damn slow buffing movie and the website im watching it on

11. When was the FIRST time you slept
alone?
somewhere during primary school

12. What things do you want to do now?
watch my movie!! =(

13. What do you do everyday besides
eat and sleep?
pee, alot.

14. Colors that make you happy?
am i supposed to be tat easy to please? =.=

15. Most favorite things in your room?
ohhhh. i simply cant live without my BOLSTER. it smells like PEE. =D

16. What was the last thing you
bought?
mopiko and mosquito coil.

17. Miss someone?
probably?

18. Are you a coffee addict?
yeah, i cant live wifout my kopi-o!

19. Are you satisfied with your life
right now?
no

20. Would you share a glass of water
with a friend?
maybe?

21. When was the last time you ate
seafood?
months and months ago, maybe years.

22. Ever had a food fight?
yes, once wif crabs. =.=

23. What do you usually eat for
breakfast?
i dun usually take breakfast

24. Lost a friendship over something
stupid?
yes

25. Been really depressed before?
yes

26. What's your favorite food?
anything my mom makes tats wifout veg

27. Cried in front of your classmates?
last time was during primary school, in a bus.

28. Can you remember what you did on
the first day of your school in
college?
poly counts as a college? ummm, sleep, and pretend im not sleeping.

29. Who's on ur mind?
the dead.

30. Did you ever cheat during an exam?
no

31. Is kissing normal for our age?
not only kissing, i think ****ing too. =D

32. Is sleeping a must for you?
most probably YES.

CANT... SLEEP....

2008-04-04T06:58:00.001+08:00

I CANT SLEEP.......

ahh fuck

2008-04-03T15:10:00.000+08:00

i really should be asleep now, coz im going out tomorrow, and i noe im gonna be fucking tired if i dun sleep now. coz those friends im going out wif all haf normal wake up and sleeping times, while mine is kinda more suited to a vampiric lifestyle.

but life, as it is, is completely fucked up. so im wide awake.

anyway, abt recent events? i finally bought my new mp3, sony walkman series. its an old model, coz only the old models still haf tis speed charge feature, they cut it out of the newer, nicer looking models. in case u didnt noe, speed charge basically means u can charge the mp3 for 3 mins and play it non-stop for abt 3 hrs. literally, no bullshit there. and its maximum battery life, which u haf 2 charge abt 30 mins for, is abt 72 hrs if im not wrong.

also, my beautiful $200 2nd hand sony ericsson hp has broken down. broken down b4 i even started abusing it like my previous hps. its irritating. coz now i haf 2 use tis lg model tats fucking difficult 2 use. the msging is damn fucking uninituitive, and its damn bloody irritating. worse, i haf no fucking idea where the volume control for the speakers are, so i haf 2 hold the fucking phone abt 10cm away from my ear jus to avoid potential deafness.

the best part is the nearest fucking sony ericsson service center is in bishan. and i dun really feel like going all the fucking way there 2 service the damn phone. and then going all the fucking way back to collect the damn phone.

and oh ya, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIMONE!

u idiot.

BORED

2008-04-01T01:12:00.002+08:00

IM BORED. REALLY FUCKING BORED. SERIOUSLY BORED.

oh ya, and HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!!

=D

2008-03-21T01:50:00.002+08:00

i haven blogged for about... a gazillion years? mostly coz ive been kinda busy, and also coz i was lazy, also coz i couldnt really be bothered. so tis blog might die soon. =D

anyway, im at my friend's home now, and im BORED. we're supposed 2 be mahjonging, but i dunno y they're jus lazing ard. so im BORED. and im losing 2. =)

so i decided 2 update my extremely neglected blog. my poor blog. neglected at such a young age. not even 100 posts yet! isnt tat jus so sad?

im BORED.

tired but cant sleep...

2008-03-03T02:43:00.001+08:00

im fucking tired rite now, and i cant sleep. theres stuff on my mind, and i jus cant stop thinking abt it. so im gonna fucking die tomorrow, coz i needa wake up at 5 am to go for my attachment.

FUCK

wahaha?

2008-03-02T16:44:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HENRY!!

HAHA

2008-03-02T14:39:00.001+08:00

ONE
there is NO SUCH THING as a
friendster tracker.
it does NOT exist. so quit posting
stupid bulletins like

"OH-EM-GEEEEE this WORKS!!!"

no, it doesnt.

*TWO
To the people who have like 25,000
friends,and over 5 or even 10 or 20
account...!!!

are you serious?

You're stupid.
Go play in traffic.

*THREE
Don't ever post pictures and say
"OMG, I'm so ugly"
"OMG, I'm so fat"

because if you were,
you wouldn't post them.

And if u do

ur a freaking mongoloid.

*FOUR
Nobody cares about threats over the
internet.

Don't try to act hardcore with the
keyboard.

Fighting online is like racing in the
special olympics;
even if you win,

you're still
retarded.

*FIVE
Quit crying
coz you're not on someones top 8.
who cares?

ITS FRIENDSTER!!!

Stop bitching!!!

*SIX
Who really cares if
I don't accept you as a friend?

MOVE ON!!!

Don't send me another request or
message asking
"what's up with you not adding me?"

I don't want you as a friend,

that's what's up!!!

*SEVEN
Little 12 year olds who have
Friendster

and look like sluts, and act like
whores

go somewhere else

because nobody wants you here.

*EIGHT
If you have decided to read this,

you are a true Friendster Friend.

Real friends read their bulletins.

*NINE
I say you go and pass this on

and maybe it will finally get through

people's brains

*TEN

And if you open a bulletin and it
says something like

"repost this in 100 seconds or a
ghost will rape your dog
tonight,or some dead skinless girl is
gonna rape your
mom.."

QUIT BEING A DUMBASS.

***This is a test to see how many
people

in your friends list

actually pay attention to you.

Repost this with..
"10 things idiots do on Friendster"

strange and beautiful

2008-03-01T21:51:00.003+08:00

its a wonderful saturday night, wonderful coz strange and beautiful by aqualung is playing on winamp, wonderful coz its a cool windy night, wonderful coz i dun haf 2 work. and also coz i jus had burger king for dinner i guess.

oh yeah, i fucking LOVE burger king. or to make it more specific, i LOVE their double mushroom swiss burger, plus onion rings, plus sprite. i would call it heaven if i believed in such things.

my past week in imh has been pretty interesting? its at once more and less of wat i expect from it. more coz of the patients, and less coz of the amazing lack of things to do despite the larger amount of patients to take care of.

to those pple who hated my blog's song, its gone now, so feel free to visit more often without being irritated by chicosci. to those who loved it or at least didnt mind it, sorry tat i deleted it, but i'm gonna put something new soon so tis spot in cyberspace wun be any more overwhelmingly sad then it already is.

and im going out soon. so i guess bye? see u guys next time? and yeah, im kinda tired. =.=

exams

2008-02-22T17:55:00.002+08:00

my exams were over as of yesterday ard 1000 hrs. so wat can i say abt my exams?

FUCK ^!@?&%# KA NI NA BEY CHAO CHEE BYE NIN NAO HIA TA MA DE.

ahem ahem. =)

my exams were, to say the least, fucked up. which means to say, my chances of passing are, to say the least, FUCKED.

first exam was about mental nursing or something similar, tat one i didnt even noe wat the hell the questions were asking. next was bio, and i left all the saqs blank. then we had a 100 mcq exam tat i finished 2 fast 2 haf done it properly. the last exam has the most hope of all, but i still finished it 2 damn fast 2 haf much hope at all.

so, im probably gonna repeat a year.

tralala

2008-02-14T22:41:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFFERY!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANTHONY!!

hmmm

2008-02-09T23:31:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RENDY!!

diploma in chimalogy

2008-02-08T18:00:00.000+08:00

have you ever been asked a question so chim, that u really need to stop and think very hard for the answer?

what if its worse, lets say ur sitting in a group and ur playing tis game where 1 person asks a qns and every1 has 2 ans tat qns. lets say some1 asks a damn chim qns, and every1 ans immediatly as if they didnt even need to think abt it. their answers are all the same, and ur ans is different. what would u say when its ur turn? would u lie? or would u tell the truth?

what if u wanted to tell the truth, but u knew that with urs being the only diff and most unusual ans, u would be asked to explain y u chose something like tis? and tats the one thing that u wun wanna explain to that grp of pple? would u still tell the truth but jus substitute in a different and more easily relatable or common reason?

and what if there was a person in that group who knows u so well that if u told the truth, she would see through ur following lies immediatly? and it will only spoil her day?

what if the truth was something tat really mattered to u, that you couldnt and wouldnt let urself lie abt because tats the way u live?

happy bday mommy =.=

2008-02-07T00:41:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUNICE!!

and congrats for graduating!

again

2008-02-05T17:39:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY NICOL!!

u undignified gay bastard.

bdays..

2008-02-03T23:08:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY STEVEN!!

late

2008-02-02T05:05:00.001+08:00

have you gone to some god's heaven?
Or joined the soul of the world,
when you left time
Forever a young girl

I've wondered for a time
the unfairness of it all
How this heart of mine
cannot comprehend fate's whim
still i ask,

Why did all creation not weep?
did not the the clouds fall down dead
On that day, or was i weak?

the seas did'nt rage at the world
The world would'nt rip asunder
the sky stayed blue
But life simply lost its wonder
and still,

I wander around, thinking
was it my fault?
Was it me fate was seeking
to punish, to tear?
i do not know

or was it another?
Who wronged the world so,
lived without a heart too long,
That you had to be taken for
penance to be made?

Was it just chance?
could luck be this cruel?
With jus a wrong glance,
take away what fate gave
and serve destiny instead?

on that day,
Creation fell down and weeped
the clouds fell down dead from the skies
I was'nt weak
The world ripped itself asunder,
and the seas took the land in anger
Emptiness was left, without a murmer
The skies turned grey, burned with fire
life and time lost their wonder,
No apocalypse could be more dire

but only in my world

bubbles

2008-02-01T00:22:00.000+08:00

haf u ever felt tis sensation of having some liquid bubbling in ur ear?

i jus did last nite, i blew my nose, and i felt something bubbling under my right ear, and after tat, it hurt like fuck. it continued to hurt like fuck throughout the night and till the next morning. and i didnt go attachment, so im gonna haf 2 do a make up on saturday. life is kinda pathetic. now i cant really hear out of my right ear, and it chooses moments tat im least expecting it to hurt like fuck again.

attachments tis time haf been quite enjoyable actually.

lala

2008-01-31T00:26:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGELA!!

.

2008-01-26T22:47:00.000+08:00

i heard of tis jus recently

Buddha says : I search for the truth
Prophet Mohammed says : I lead you to the truth
Jesus says : I am the truth

and i dunno y, but it really irritates me. irritates the shit out of me. that someone can say something like tat and think they are real damn smart. im not talking abt wat jesus said, im talking abt pple who think tat these 3 simple sayings are proof of watever their pathetic minds are capable of comprehending. can u guess wat kind of pple would be using tis 3 sayings in the same breath? i dun really need to say it out do i? but seriously, it jus shows how immature u are. the best thing? im not a believer in any religion, but i dun mock other people's faiths. to me, that someone from a certain religion can say something like tis, makes me feel as if tat someone is degrading their own religion with their very presence, as u lack some of the fundamentals of religion and life, humility and respect to say the least.

cruelly reminded

2008-01-21T18:29:00.000+08:00

2day i was cruelly reminded,
- how fucking painful my attachment shoes make my feet feel
- how tiring attachments are even compared with other jobs
- how much i wish that mrt has a seperate cabin especially for nurses
- that being able to understand and not speak languages is not a good thing
- how my whole body smells like a miniature hospital even after bathing
- how much i wanna sleep when i reach home and know i cant coz i will jus wake up at night and ton till morning in the end, which is a big no no during attachments.
- that sometimes u jus wish some people actually knew what they were talking abt instead of jus complaining abt things they think is possible to change or do.

i hate my life.

too many...

2008-01-20T21:20:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADELINE!!

seriously, i jus realised tat i noe 2 many pple born in january.

im human again!

2008-01-20T17:30:00.000+08:00

yes! im awake in the afternoon!!! even though im still tired as hell, its still a baby step away from vampirism and one baby step closer to humanity! oh the joy! the happy feelings!

oh ya, and my attachments starting again tis monday, back to an old ward for me. kinda dun really wanna wake up on monday, mayb i'll die or something before then, then i wun haf to go, and i wun haf 2 do a make up attachment. even though someone like me would end up in hell, and tats probably worse than attachments anywhere, probably.

and i realise i haven blogged abt my open house yet. and im kinda lazy 2 say everything, not sure if im gonna get sued by saying the whole thing too. but i guess since blogspot hasnt sued me for using their blogs to spout rubbish, im kinda safe.

anyway, i had abt 2 hours of sleep before i was sent to the battlefield tat day, which is alot considering i was supposed to be there ard 10 in the morning. when we reached there, we realised we only really needed to be there at 11. so we slacked and slacked.

and the secondary school children were fuckers. irritating little fuckers. not all of them, but the few assholes more than made up for any lack in terms of the class. and the best thing is, i rmb tat i was like tat 2 in sec school. i never used to believe my mom when she told me tat wat i do to others will be done to me next time. im gonna go back and tell every1 i love them, gif them a big hug. watch more barney, sesame street, whatever the fuck shit that will make my life better.

yeah, im an angry child, wif issues.

more birthdays

2008-01-19T10:42:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY HAZEL!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BENG LEONG!!!

seriously, my blog is becoming some kind of birthday announcer. =.=

blah

2008-01-17T16:59:00.001+08:00

i am so fucking tired, but i cant fucking fall asleep. and my head is spinning, and my brain is probably only using less than one frickin percent of itself. coz i feel damn stoned. and im supposed to go out later. sorry pple, i dun think i will be joining u guys. i dun wanna stone in the middle of the road u noe. the whole world would sob at my untimely demise, it would be a loss to the world, so im thinking of the greater good here, thinking of the many instead of the few. which, in case u didnt get it, the pain of the world versus the pain in my brain. coz my brain is really irritating me now.

fuck.

happy birthday

2008-01-16T03:38:00.000+08:00

oh ya,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM LENG!

123456

2008-01-16T03:34:00.000+08:00

i have no idea why, but im getting crankier by the day. crankier and crankier and crankier and much more fucking crankier. i dun feel like going to school, dun feel like working, dun feel like staying at home, dun feel like going out, dun feel like doing anything at fucking all.

life is jus tat fucking irritating.

club club club

2008-01-12T19:58:00.000+08:00

first off, though they probably wun ever see tis.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YIWEN AND HONG POH!!!

and i jus realised im short of time. so the rest of the post is gonna haf 2 wait till either i come back from clubbing in the morning or sunday night when i wake up.

see ya!

laziness doesnt pay

2008-01-11T03:22:00.000+08:00

ive finally gotten myself to do my bloody work, and it took me exactly 14 mins 36 secs.

I COULD HAVE BEEN SLEEPING LONG AGO WAS IT THAT HARD TO GET OFF MY LAZY ASS AND DO MY BLOODY WORK??

and now the best news is tat, im feeling awake. my nocturnal instincts mus be starting 2 kick in, and it jus makes me damn fucking pissed somehow.

im seriously damn awake and full of energy now.

=(

damn..... tired.....

2008-01-10T22:56:00.000+08:00

seriously damn tired. i haven had a good rest since god noes when, and i cant sleep yet, ive got 2 finish a summary of 2 articles and make a survey. well, its all my own fault actually.

u ever noe tat u MUST do something, but no matter how, u jus cant seem to summon up the willpower to even begin it? tats wats happening to me and my 2 articles now, even though i could probably finish it in less than 20 mins if i tried. and even though the survey is jus 2 questions short and i already have the basic concept of those last 2 questions in my mind, somehow i jus cant force myself to find a fucking pen and write down those last 2 questions. heck, if i jus did it when i reached home i would be contentedly asleep by now. the whole bloody fucking thing wouldnt haf taken me even one fricking half hour.

im tat tired, or jus plain lazy.

and the weather 2nite is so damn bloody nice to boot. cool calm weather, with the scent of petrichor in the air. i really really wanna curl up and sleep. and i noe the longer i put off the work, the later i will get 2 sleep. someone come my house and do my work for me can?

please?

=(

NAMES

2008-01-09T23:30:00.000+08:00

What Sean Means

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

vampirism!

2008-01-09T07:21:00.000+08:00

its 7.22 am, and im supposed to be asleep.

and i noe im gonna be fucking tired in school today. AGAIN.

coz im SUPPOSED to be sleeping soundly and waking up at abt 9.30 am.

so im kinda trying 2 decide whether i should sleep, or jus fuck off to the world and stay awake till 9.30.

and i cant fucking decide.

some1 decide for me can?

my normal life is a night life.

my dad calls me a vampire.

fun fact: sean doesnt like light, the curtains in his room are almost always drawn in the day

fun fact 2: sean kinda likes the cold and hates heat, or u could say he doesnt feel cold and sweats like a fish

fun fact 3: sean used to hang around graveyards alot

fun fact 4: sean doesnt like to step into churches, temples or other similar places of worship, and will take lenghty detours if time permits jus 2 avoid passing near one

all that added to my pale skin and that i will die if u hammer a wooden stake through my heart makes me think that my dad may have a point. though the stake doesnt really have to be wooden or holy, it just needs to be hammered through my heart.

im bored

school SUCKS la..

2008-01-05T20:46:00.000+08:00

the first week of school is over! and to me, its irrefutable definite proof that school SUCKS. its a waste of time, and only teaches u stuff that u wun be able to use in real life anyway.

these last few days have been mostly projects and during project meeting, tis fella was sitting 2 seats away, and refused to get her lazy ass to look at the journal articles i found, so i keep kacau her, and she finally show her true self

then she start spamming me

so pple, tis fella only act cute only. dun be fooled. she's actually damn scary. =(

beginning of the year post

2008-01-01T17:41:00.000+08:00

tis is my first post of the year! waaa!

see, tis is the helplessly adorable me

tis is coz singapore has not enough dustbins.

im bloody bored, and bloody sleepy. and school starts tomorrow. i dun wanna go to school. =(

happy 2008!

end of the year post

2007-12-31T18:52:00.000+08:00

tis is gonna be my last post for 2007, which hasnt really been tat wonderful of a year for me.

so what can i remember doing during 2007?

1. been played for a fool
2. sorted out my priorities for some people
3. remembered some names of people im apparently supposed to noe anyway
4. grow kinda bored of clubbing

in general, tats abt it. i lead a damn boring life la. if only my list was something like tis.

1. went skydiving with my pet hamster and saved him from the jaws of a hungry pelican on the way down

wouldnt tat be so damn bloody fricking cool?

yeah, it damn well would.

and i found tis quiz about changing times, here it is.

7 YEARS AGO.

1) How old were you?
- 11

2) How you go to school?
- walk, bus, walk

3) Where did you work?
- mostly flyers or helping my schoolmates mom

4 ) Where did you live?
- yishun

5 )Where did you hang out?
- void decks and rooftops

6) Did you wear glasses?
- no, but i was supposed to

7) Who was your friend(s)?
- not really any to speak of

8 ) How many piercings did you have?
- none

9) What car did you drive?
- i couldnt even ride a bloody bicycle la

10) Had you been to a real party?
- yeah, ended really badly. =.=

12 ) Had your heart broken?
- soon to be broken at tat time. =(

13 ) Single/Taken/Married /Divorced?
- kinda single?

2 YEARS AGO.

1) How old were you?
- 16

2 ) How do you go to school?
- walk

3 ) Where did you work?
- trapizza

4 ) Where did you live?
- woodlands

5 ) Where did you hang out?
- anywhere and everywhere liao

6) Did you wear glasses?
- yep

7) Who were your friends?
- boon, sabrina and others

8) Who was your crush?
- some weird person

9) How many tattoos did you have?
- none

10) How many piercings did you have?
- none

11) What car did you drive?
- i can ride a bicycle now =D

12) Had your heart broken?
- yes, several times.

13) Single/Taken/Married /Divorced?
- taken

TODAY

1) How old are you?
- 18

2) Where do you work?
- hospitals? and others ba

3 ) Where do you live?
- woodlands

4) Do you wear glasses??
- i wear contacts now. =D

5 ) Who are your friends?
- boon, mel, mc, sabrina others.

6) Do you talk to your old friends?
- not often, some only if i haf 2.

7) How many piercings do you have?
- none

8) How many tattoos?
- none

9) What kind of car do you drive?
- i can roller blade and ice skate now! =D

10) Has your heart been broken?
-yes

11 ) Single/Taken/Married /Divorced?:
- single

12) How do you go to school?
- walk, mrt, walk

13) Where do you hang out?
- mostly clubs and pubs? sometimes frens home.

picture!

2007-12-29T20:45:00.000+08:00

so, i've FINALLY learned how to post and move pictures ard here, i noe im a bloody noob la ok? and here's the first ever picture ur gonna see here!

and i was at outram at tis point of time. seriously, tell the truth, would u wait?

i didnt.

so i went out and took a bloody cab instead. i mean, who the hell would wait 26 fucking minutes jus to get to the next bloody stop?

now, wat haf i been doing recently? i've been playing tis online game called perfect world. the graphics are pretty good if u set all the settings to max, and pretty good anyway if ur playing on minimum requirements. its not tat bad of a game, more of a time killer than anything else, but i've been too damn bored to care wat the hell i do recently. as long as im doing something.

I HATE SCHOOL.

ha

2007-12-29T07:58:00.000+08:00

I DIDNT GO HORSE RIDING.

yep, i didnt go. and im sad to say it wasnt really coz i was 2 tired or stuff. i actually got sick. ya, SICK. on tat paticular day. straight after waking up. pains in my head and stomach galore.

isnt tat combination horrible and weird at the same time?

i mean, who the hell gets pains in the stomach and head at the same bloody time? u cannot imagine the fucking agony i tell u.

wat ELSE?

my left eye has been twitching like its nobody's fucking business for quite some time now. tat supposedly means something bad is abt to happen 2 me.

AND?

my body clock has officially been set to its natural nocturnal mode again, and if im not wrong, school starts next bloody week. as in, TWO BLOODY DAYS FROM NOW. i pray to whoever's listening tat im wrong as fuck about tis 1.

oh yeah, and im NOT in a good mood. =)

xmas is over...

2007-12-27T05:51:00.000+08:00

so... christmas has come and gone already, and im still damn bored. =.=

so wat did i do on xmas? well, i went out at around 11+, went down 2 boat quay and had a couple of drinks wif a couple of frens, and went back the next morning. it wasnt really a xmas celebration really, we all reached there after 12.

and i spent most of my time playing photo hunt there, wif assistant secretary da jie, boon, melvin and kim boon. WE WERE ALL TIRED AND BORED LA.

and guess wat? im going horse riding tomorrow, or mayb i should say later 2day, coz its 0614 am already, and im gonna haf 2 wake up at 1000 am, if i even go 2 sleep anytime soon. so im actually kinda not wanting to go right now. coz i noe im gonna be damn bloody tired. but still, i've never been horse riding before, and it's a class outing! with old folks! coz we're kind little buggers! ahhh....

ok, im damn tired now.

the reason y our class outing is wif old folks is coz it was our mentor's idea really. u see, every year, our school gives us some cash per pax 2 haf some kinda outing or fun or whatever we wanna do wif tat MEAGER sum. so, last year we had a bbq. tis year, our mentor asked if we wanted to do some community charity while enjoying ourselves. i dunno about the rest, but when she popped the bloody question and everyone was agreeing ard me, i kinda felt like i would seem like a bloody selfish uncaring uncharitable asshole. not saying tat im not btw.

so, we're off to horse riding with old folks! ACTIVE old folks tho. =)

boredom...

2007-12-24T00:45:00.000+08:00

ok, first off, i noe i said i had an idea of wat i wanted to write here. but u see, the thing is... i dunno how 2 write it down.

so im gonna blog abt other stuff?

so recent events? i have a kbox membership now, even though i dun sing, it was kinda a spur of the moment "why the heck not?" kind of impulse, and i somehow got the card.

i've been spending most of my time outdoors nowadays pubbing instead of clubbing, though i dun really drink much anymore.

so wat do i do at home? well, i hate to say it, but i've been pushed to the sadness of watching anime after anime due to extreme boredom. so far, i'm watching bleach, naruto, d gray man, bamboo blade, angelic layer, gundam 00... the list goes on, and on, and on. yeah, i'm that bored.

wow, i've jus realised it's christmas eve! well, i'm supposed to decide where 2 go 2day. will it be town, some1's home or some other suprise place? or should i jus stay at home? im kinda leaning towards home now, mostly cause i jus spent the entire night dota-ing at my frens place, AND IM FRICKING TIRED. can't even think straight. arghhhh!!

so home i go, to my beautifully comfy bed, any1 who wans 2 see me will haf 2 watch me sleep instead. =)

2007-11-29T23:53:00.000+08:00

I Will Follow You Into The Dark
-Death Cab For Cutie

Love of mine, some day you will die
But I'll be Close behind
I'll Follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our Hands Clapsed so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark.

If Heaven And Hell Decide
That they both are satisfied,
Illuminate the nos on their vacancy signs.

If there's No One Beside You
When your soul Embarks,
Then I'll Follow You Into The Dark.

In catholic school as vicious as roman rule,
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black,
And I held my tounge as She Told Me,
"Son, Fear is the Heart of Love"
So i Never went back.

If Heaven and Hell Decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the nos on their vacancy signs

If there's No One Beside You
When your soul Embarks,
Then I'll Follow You Into The Dark.

You and Me, have seen everything to see,
From Bangkok to Calgary,
And the soles of your shoes are all Worn Down,
The time for sleep is now.
It's Nothing to Cry about,
Cause We'll Hold Each Other soon.
The Blackest of rooms.

If Heaven and Hell Decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the nos on their vacancy signs

If there's No One Beside You
When your soul Embarks,
Then I'll Follow You Into The Dark.
Then I'll Follow You Into The Dark.

I jus can't stop listening to tis song now, haven really blogged in a long time mostly coz im not really sure wat to write here anymore, but i haf a sort of idea now, and posting will continue soon. =)

la lala

2007-11-04T21:05:00.000+08:00

somehow, i've spent today at home, expected? yes, but still disapointed. well, i cant really do anything, getting angry would only make you angry, and u will always be right no matter wat. sometimes its better to stop chasing after something no1 else wans u to chase. is tat wat u wan? u cant even tell me cant u? or rather, u dun even noe urself. how can u not noe? izzit tat u actually noe but jus dunno how 2 put it into words for me? or u jus enjoy seeing me like tis? i think u do noe wat answer i would choose at least, coz u really been too guo fen. wat more can i say? i dun even dare to tell pple abt u anymore, i no longer defend u when pple talk bad abt u, coz i realised tat im ashamed of how i feel abt u, and ashamed of u. but whether through extreme stupidity or insane ignorance on my part, i dunno y i continue to hope blindly, and ive yet to reach the limits of tat hopeless hope. but its costing me. and i dunno how much i can pay.

tra lala

2007-11-02T20:21:00.000+08:00

so i went to school today, and do u noe wat was special? i didnt skip ANY lessons. i came, on TIME, in the MORNING, and to top it all off i was EARLY, actually PUNCTUAL. wat a great way to start a day huh?

and im hopefully gonna watch a movie on sunday? i say hopefully, coz i kinda doubt i will be able to watch it on sunday wif the person im supposed to watch it wif. coz tat person is kinda an idiot, and its kinda hard to even get a reply from an sms from tat fella, phone calls are next to impossible, and meetings can be said to be beyond all probable realities, including the realms of gods.

i know i know, you're thinking tat any1 else might have taken the hint by now right? but unfortunately, i guess im jus an idiot too, but i do feel like im being led around the proverbial mulberry bush sometimes, ok, everytime.

but hey, wats a guy 2 do?

im jus a kid...a lazy kid

2007-10-27T20:08:00.000+08:00

went clubbing again yesterday, and i dunno y, but i mus be getting really older. or else mayb im jus getting 2 damn fat. mayb even both, im jus getting tired too easily nowadays.

so hmmm, yesterday i had no school, coz my school is full of bright ideas, and yesterday was one of those called e learning day. basically, on e learning day, u dun haf 2 go to school, u stay at home and dl files onto ur com and do some crappy survery and tats it. if u dun do it... well, i dun really noe wat happens to pple who dun do the e learning actually. and they only put the stuff there for 1 day, so if u cant get in, good luck. =D

well, guess wat? those who know me well might already haf guessed it. yep, i DIDNT do the e learning, even though i dun really noe wats gonna happen. yep, im a risk taking, daredevil kinda guy. =D nah, actually i was jus lazy la. damn lazy. so i never do lor, and im waiting to see wat will happen.

FARHANAH IS TIRED

2007-10-24T13:08:00.000+08:00

FARHANAH IS TIRED!!!! DAMN TIRED!!!! SHE READING LAME JOKES!!!! AND LAUGHING!!!!

school is sad la

2007-10-23T10:53:00.000+08:00

ok, im in school now. using my school com, and guess wat? i've jus realised neopets is apparently unhealthy or at the very least undesirable for polytechnic students. do you noe y? well, i dun really noe y either. then y do i say something like tat you may ask. hmmm, it might be because neopets is BLOCKED IN MY SCHOOL.

well, not really blocked la, or at least not completely, u can still access the main page and stuff like tat, but u cant get into any games or certain areas. LAME right? i seriously haf no fucking idea wat the bloody admin fella is fucking thinking, or if tat fella even thinks at all actually. i mean seriously, NEOPETS LEH. how fucking dangerous to the adolescent or adult mind can those colorful idiotic critters get? and before you start imagining, i have to honestly tell you that if u can even begin to create unhealthy images of neopets in your mind, then ur one damn sick bastard.

u noe wat? perhaps tat is y neopets is blocked here, coz our admin has a pretty darn sick mind. food for thought eh?

anyways, the first hour of my two hour break has officially passed, and im still damn bored. im the only person in the whole room actually, though tis kaypo lecturer jus came in a couple of minutes ago to switch on the lights and turn own the aircon. yeah yeah, so i off all the lights and turn the aircon to the lowest setting. i like it tat way la u kaypo ass. instead of compromising the comfort and enjoyment of ur students, y dun u go to ur own office and play solitare or something instead huh? does bullying our weak powerless hides give u some sort of sick joy?

yeah, im in an adult hating mood right now. =)

old le la

2007-10-20T12:47:00.000+08:00

so, recently i've realised, coz pple haf complained, tat the stories i tell in my blog are mostly of one variety, namely, guys losing out coz of girls. hey, can i help it? im a guy la, i gotta stand for my own side u noe. but since girls are damn pretty people, im gonna dig through the bloody deep wells of my memory to find a story where a girl is played out by a guy.

there was tis girl who was slightly plump, not enough to be called fat, but enough to be slightly less noticeable in a grp of girls. she was a shy girl, and so she never had a relationship in her life even though she had her share of crushes growing up.

now tis girl was a perfectly good girl, well mannered, quiet, reasonably clever, and not violent like the majority of the girls now. she had friends, but not many, and none very close, coz of her shyness.

one day, she went out wif her friends to a park to roller blade and cycle, they rented the stuff and cycled till night time. she was the only one staying near that area, and so after having dinner, all her friends rushed off to take their last buses or trains. and tat girl walked home herself.

on her way home, she was raped.

she managed to make her way home after it happened, and she never said a thing. because she was so quiet and shy anyway, no1 was tat close to her, and so no1 noticed anything changing about her.

it was only after a while tta her parents noticed she was taking a very long time to bathe herself, when asked about it, she would give vague answers. when the duration of her baths became too long to jus shrug off, her parents went to her teachers for help, and in turn, the teachers went to her friends for help. but of coz no1 knew wat was wrong.

her mother grew fed up of her daughter's vague answers, and decided she really wanted to noewat her daughter was doing, so she installed a camera in the bathroom. and she realised tat her daughter was bathing extremely meticulously.

she would wash her hair slowly, then scrub her hands. then wash her face, then wash her hands again. then the sides of her face, and then the hands. and so on. after washing a small area, she would wash her hands again. and after going over her whole body, she would go through it again, and sometimes again after that. and maybe more times after that.

her mother was shocked and frightened, and she confronted her daughter, and tis time, she did not allow her to get away with vague answers.

in the end, her daughter told her she was washing tis way because she was dirty, and when her hands touched the dirty parts they would become dirty, so she had to clean them first before she could clean anything else. her mother then questioned her wat made her think she was so dirty, and over a period of hysterics and tears she found out her daughter had been raped.

of course, tis was supposed to be kept a secret in the household with maybe only a teacher or two into the secret to help along, but somehow, it leaked out, and her friends found out.

there was tis boy in her group of friends, he was the type of person who simply cannot lose to others, who feels he's the best, and never considers the feelings of others.

tis boy got irritated at her one day, and told her: "actually you shouldnt be washing the outside, coz it's the inside thats dirty, he shot it inside you right?"

the girl had to be sent home early that day.

awhile after tis, the girl started cutting herself. the first thing tat comes to ur mind may be tat she was trying to commit suicide, but the wounds she inflicted on herself were small and far from major blood vessels, so another theory would be she wanted to cause herself pain?

far from it, her mother confronted her again not long after, and tis time her daughter told her it was coz her blood was dirty, and her organs were dirty as well, so she needed to bleed out all the dirty blood, and let the new blood wash her organs, and then after that the new blood would become dirty, and would need to be bled out again.

of coz, after tis, her parents kept her under close control, and kept sharp objects away from her. but tis only caused her condition to worsen much more rapidly, since she could no longer clean herself, she started breaking down and begging.

her teachers of course suggested counselling, and one day, while her father was at school talking to one of her teachers about tis and her mother was at home keeping a eye on her, her mother took pity on her and allowed her to take a bath by herself.

did you ever noe tat some bottles of liquid bathing soap, when torn correctly, are actually quite sharp?

so she tore the bottles, and cut herself inside the toilet, and she cut deeper and longer then ever before. and when her mother finally decided to infringe on her privacy once more and look at the video from the camera in the toilet, she saw a horror movie.

her mother wasnt nearly strong enough to break down the toilet door, and her dad rushed home too slowly. when the door was finally open, there was no more need for any counselling. the rapist was never caught, as she never wanted to make a police report. the boy who had a smart mouth was never punished, as only tat circle of friends knew about wat he said, and after she died, his proud personality deflected all the blame easily.

doughnuts

2007-10-14T10:00:00.000+08:00

i haven had a wink of sleep.

i got chased out of my frens houses yesterday for eating a bloody doughnut.

she even got damn angry. and it wasnt even her who bought the doughnuts.

so should i be sorry? well, i said sorry, but the fella who bought the doughnuts kept rubbing it in to try and make her more angry wif me. so he's a asshole. wat can i say? he's probably damn glad she threw me out.

the worst thing was, i actually seriously considered buying back the doughnuts for her. then i decided tat someone who throws me out of the house for a doughnut isnt really worth it.

pictures?

2007-10-12T22:32:00.000+08:00

so here i am again, in the middle of the night, not sleeping. coz i cant sleep. listening to one of us by joan osborne. and being damn bored.

so, about recent events, on wednesday i went clubbing at zouk, was quite fun, but the party ended at ard 4.30, which was too early. so i waited 1 and a half hr for cab, coz we didnt want the midnight charge.

on thursday, i went out wif my fren to meet her fren and then we watched a movie. the movie's name was the brave one. and it SUCKED. it was damn BORING. but at least it had a proper storyline, which u dun see too often nowadays. my fren jus has tis talent for choosing movies u noe. i watched world trade center wif her 2. =X

on friday, i slept the whole bloody day while my fren played ff10 on my ps2. and now i blogging even though i haf nth 2 blog.

and hey, i enjoyed thursday, very much. =)

to go or not to go...that is the question.

2007-10-10T19:22:00.000+08:00

ok, right now im in my room, lying on my bed, and typing tis.

but actually, im supposed to be bathing right now, or at least putting on my contacts already. coz im supposed to be going clubbing tonight. but.... i feel damn lazy. other than the fact tat im damn short of cash.

so to go or not to go? tat is the question.

anyway, i passed my sup paper. good or bad? not really sure. passing means i'll stay in the same class, wif my new subgrp. failing means i'll go to a diff class, wif pretty girls. but i passed. so i guess im jus gonna haf 2 live wif my new subgrp huh.

i really should decide if im going clubbing right abt now, but the song playing right now is a nice one, it's 'i wish i was a punk rocker' by sandi thom. a real meaningful song. so it makes me even lazier.

ok, now on to the topic of my life, which is pretty fucked up. AGAIN. it seems all the interesting things tat were popping up were jus extra problems tat looked interesting coz i was in a good mood.

dear lady luck, ur throwing too much stuff at me right now, ur poor little boy cant take it all! gif it to me one by one, or at least more slowly, so i can cope better. tyty.

and yeah, im going clubbing. =)

soooo tired....

2007-10-05T22:11:00.000+08:00

i jus got back from chalet. and im DAMN tired. i dunno y, i think i mus be getting DAMN old.

i cant really think of stuff to say though. my brain is kinda on permanent hang mode rite now.

ok, heres something. my life, is really getting a bit too interesting for me. things are clashing together in bad combinations, and other stuff pop up to keep me too busy to solve them before something else collides wif them.

so, ive a damn lot of decisions to make, and too little time to make them, doesnt help tat i nvr was tat great at decision making skills anyway. heres a fact about me. i toss coins. alot. even for stuff other pple consider damn impt. heck. even for stuff i consider damn impt, i toss coins.

but then the stuff rite now, cant be solved by tossing coins. ya, i know tats kinda impossible to imagine. but im kinda in a damn impossible situation rite now. i thought jus quitting everything would make things easier, but then life popped a silent fart secretly in my backyard, and its a killer.

esplanade library!

2007-09-29T11:56:00.000+08:00

guess wat? im at the esplanade LIBRARY rite now. YES. tats RIGHT. the esplanade has a LIBRARY. i noe noe! i never knew! at least not till the first time my fren brought me here! =D

and actually, the library isnt really as nice as i would expect it to be, being inside the durian and all, u would kinda expect it to be those kinda high ceiling high class place lor. sadly though, it isnt, it looks like any old library, but it does gif u kind of musuem or music school feel. and the view from the over large windows is kinda good. u can see dxo! wow! and did i mention tat they view inside the library isnt tat bad either? if u get wat i mean. wow!

life seems to be getting more interesting now, in a damn weird way. elaboration would get me in some trouble, so im not gonna elaborate, but life is really getting DAMN BLOODY WEIRD LA. thought i actually think its kinda a good thing. at least weirdness makes it more interesting, it kinda lifts my mood a bit actually, its something to laugh at.

now, some of u may wonder wth am i doing in a library. and let me make a confession, its something not many people would guess about me. i read ALOT. anything and everything tats readable. i READ. but then again, it is still actually kinda suprising to find me at a library for more than 20 mins. today its coz my fren wans 2 study and wans me to acc her, so here i am, durian library. aint i such a great fren? yes i m!

SIAN SIAN SIAN

2007-09-28T05:21:00.000+08:00

1. The phone rings, who do you want it
to be?
# god, telling me he's gonna sponsor me wif everything i wan for the rest of my life.

2. When shopping at the grocery store,
do you return your cart?
# most of the time =x

3. If you had to kiss the last person
you kissed again, would you?
# i think so

4. Do you take compliments well?
# so so la

5. Do you play Sudoku?
# yep

6. If abandoned alone in the
wilderness would you survive?
# i would hope so

7. If your house were on fire, what
would be the first thing you would
save?
# laptop

8. Who was the last person you slept
in the bed with?
# a fren

9. Who do you text the most?
# quite a few people leh. =.=

10. Favorite childrens book?
# the secret garden

11. Eye color?
# brown

12. How tall are you?
# 165

13. If you could do it over again,
start from scratch, would you?
# do wat? my life? no.

15. When was the last time you were at
Botanic Garden?
# recently?

16. Favorite ex..?
# u wan pple come kill me izzit?

17. Where was the furthest place you
traveled?
# im not sure which is further? i guess korea?

18. Do you like mustard?
# yeah!

19. Do you prefer to sleep or play?
# sleep la. dream also can play ma

21. Do you miss anyone?
# someone i shouldnt

22. Can you do splits?
# u siao ar?

23. What movie do you want to see
right now?
# balls of fury!

24. What did you do for New Years Eve?
# something stupid

25. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
# never even heard of tat la

26. Do you own a camera phone?
# yes! and its shiny and new!

27. Are you a cheerleader?
# u SIAO ar?

28. Whats the last letter of your
middle name?
# i noe my name got 4 words. so no middle name la.

29. Are you hispanic?
# no

31. Do you like care bears?
# never heard of tat before

32. What do you buy at the Movies?
# tickets?

33. Do you know how to play poker?
# i think i do actually.

34. Do you wear your seatbelt?
# only if the taxi driver asks. or the asshole starts going faster than 120km/h

35. What do you wear to sleep?
# singlet and depends?

36. Anything big ever happen in your
CITY?
# yep, recently got 1 monkey tree or something.

37. Is your hair straight or curly?
# straight

38. Is your tongue pierced?
# nope

39. Do you like Liver and Onions?
# no way la

40. Do you like funny or serious
people better?
# funny people.

41. Ever been to L.A.?
# i doubt so

42. Who is on your mind right now?
# a bloody idiot

43.any plans 4 tonight?
# go out!

44. Whats your fav. song at the moment?
# sukiyaki la.

45. Do you hate chocolate?
# actually yes. =.=

46. What do you and your parents fight
about the most?
# over the tidiness of my room

47. Are you a gullible person?
# i dun think so...

48. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend
to be happy?
# i hope not

49. If you could have any job what
would it be?
# i would like to be god =D

50. Are you easy to get along with?
# probably?

51. What is your favorite time of day?
# oh the NIGHT

52. Are you generally a happy person?
# not anymore

SO SO BORED

2007-09-28T05:09:00.000+08:00

FOODOLOGY
Q: Favorite fast food restaurant?
burger king!

Q: Favorite sit-down restaurant?
tis ulu place in yio chu kang

Q: How much tip do you leave?
none la, im singaporean leh, hello?

Q: Something you could eat for two
weeks and not get sick of it?
BURGER KING!

Q: Pizza toppings of choice?
pepperoni, tuna and mayo. i haf weird taste.

Q: What do you like on your toast?
kaya + butter

BIOLOGY
Q: Are you right-handed or left-
handed?
aaaa, i write wif my right hand? but catch and throw and balance wif my left?

Q: Have you ever had anything removed
from your body?
something tat nvr belong there? a blade. =.=
something tat belonged there? my teeth. =(

Q: A heavy item you last lifted?
my table

Q: Have you ever been unconscious?
i go unconcious every nite.

BULLCRAPOLOGY
Q: If it were possible, would you want
to know the day you were going to die?
nope, and ive thought about tis b4.

Q: If you could change your name, what
would you change it to?
change it to sean koh, wifout the parts i cannot rmb

Q: What color looks best on you?
any color looks good on me. i jus look good. =D

Q: Have you ever swallowed a non-food
item by mistake?
lots la. but most not by mistake how.

Q: Have you ever saved someone's
life?
twice.

Q: Has someone ever saved yours?
i suppose so...

DAREOLOGY
Q: Would you kiss a member of the same
sex for $100?
u noe... i think i would. =.=

Q: Would you allow one of your little
fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
somehow... i think i wouldnt really mind.

Q: Would you never blog again for
$50,000?
oh DEFINITELY. =D

Q: Would you drink an entire bottle
of hot sauce for $1000?
oh ur speaking my language now. =D

Q: Would you take someone's life for
$1,000,000?
oh tis 1 chim. but i think i might if i could get away wif it. =D

DUMBOLOGY
Q: What is in your left pocket?
my shiny new handphone

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite a good movie?
i never even heard of tat

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
sometimes sit if im lazy, but i usually stand

Q: How many flip flops do you own?
2

Q: What would you be when you grow up?
nurse lor, i dun really haf much choice do i?

LASTOLOGY

Q: Last person you talk to?
my big sister

Q: Person you hugged?
a fren

Q: Person you kissed?
a fren

CURRENTOLOGY
Q: Missing someone?
someone i shouldnt be missing

Q: Mood?
lousy

Q: Listening to?
killing me softly

Q: Watching?
my com screen

Q: Worrying about?
my life?

RANDOMOLOGY
Q: First place you went this morning?
la la land. =D

Q: What can you not wait to do?
eat BURGER KING

Q: Do you smile often?
not anymore

SO SIAN

2007-09-28T04:55:00.000+08:00

1. Did you cry today?
no

2. What were you doing at 8:00 this
morning?
having a horrible nightmare. then i woke up and went back to sleep =.=

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
bathing, jus got home!

4. What was something that happened to
you in 1992?
u siao ar? how i fucking noe?

5. What is your mum's mum's name?
tay something?

6. Three words to explain why you last
threw up:
what the fuck

7. What color is your hairbrush?
dun have hairbrush

8. What was the last thing you bought?
new phone, sony ericsson!

11. Where do you keep your money?
my pocket and wallet.

12. What was the weather like today?
rainy...

13. Where did your last hug take place?
near mrt station?

18. Are you very random?
oh, definitely. =)

19. Do you want to cut your hair?
no, i wanna leave it LONG, but i have no bloody CHOICE.

20. Are you over the age of 25?
no, at least i dun think so.

21. Do you talk a lot?
not much nowadays.

22. Do you watch WRESTLING?
waste my time la.

23. Does your screen name have an "x"
in it?
nope

24. Do you know anyone named daisy?
yeah

25. Do you make up your own words?
i dun haf the time or energy...

26. Are you ticklish?
oh, u could try tickling me. =D

27. Are you typically a jealous person?
nope.

28. Favorite animal?
snakes?

29. Name someone whose name starts
with the letter "B"?
bernice

30. Who's the last person to call you?
my fren, call me faster go out! late le!

31. Do you like your name?
yeah! i jus cant rmb some parts of it...

32. Do you chew on your straws?
recently. =(

33. Do you have curly hair?
nope, its straight.

34. What is the next concert you're
going to?
no money la.

35. Where did you go today?
woodgrove, walk walk, fren house, nearby coffee shop.

37. What is something you say a lot?
im random rmb? =)

39. Have you seen the movie 'Donnie
Darko'?
never even heard of it.

40. Do you have to work tomorrow?
nope.

42. Who was the last person you
said "I love you" to?
someone who didnt really deserve it.

43. What should you be doing right now?
sleeping. =.=

44. Do you have a nickname?
quite a few actually.

45. Are you a heavy sleeper?
no, i wake up when people jus walk past my room, but i go right back to sleep again.

46. What are you listening to?
hey jude

47. What is the best movie you've seen
in the past two weeks?
i now pronounce you chuck and larry

48. Do you like anyone right now?
plenty of people

49. When was the last time you did the
dishes?
abt 7 hours or so ago

50. Name someone who made you smile
today:
my mother! she told me tis damn lame joke. =.=

sian la

2007-09-28T04:48:00.000+08:00

i found tis quiz in frenster, and its proof tat im not gay! wow!

GUYS PART
(no matter if you're a girl or a guy)

[] In the winter you love hoodies.
[] Dogs are better than cats.
[x] its hilarious when people get hurt.
[x] You've played with/against boys on
a team.
[ ] Shopping is torture.
[ ] Sad movies stink.
[ ] You own(ed) an XBox / XBox 360.
[x] Wanted/played with Hotwheel cars as
a kid.
[x] At some point in time you wanted to
be a firefighter.
[x] You own(ed) a DS, PS2 or Sega.
[x] You used to be obsessed with Power
Rangers.
[ ] You watch sports on TV.
[x] Gory movies are cool.
[ ] You only go to your dad for advice.
[ ] You own like a trillion baseball
caps.
[ ] You like going to football games.
[ ] You used to/do collect baseball
cards.
[x] Its kinda weird to have sleepovers
with a bunch of people.
[x] Green/black/red/blue/silver are one
of your favorite colors.
[x] You love to go crazy and not care
what people think.
[] Sports are fun too.
[x] U Talk with food in your mouth.
[x] Wear boxers to bed.
[ ] Sleep with your socks on at night.

Total: 12
Take total & multiply by 10.
Score: 120% boy.

---------------------------------------
-

GIRLS PART
(no matter if you're a girl or a guy)

[ ] You wear lip gloss.
[] You have worn eyeliner before.
[x] You have some of the same shirts in
different colors.
[ ] You wear the color pink.
[ ] you only go to a female for advice.
[ ] You hate wearing the color black.
[] You like shopping.
[] You wear jewelleries, earrings etc.
[ ] skirts are a part of your wardrobe.
[x] you don't like the movie Star Wars.
[] It takes you at least 1 hour to
shower/get dressed/put on make-up & get
ready.
[x] You smile a lot more than you
should.
[] You have 5 or more pairs of shoes.
[x] You care about what you look like.
[] You like wearing dresses when you
can.
[] You love movies.
[x] Used to play with dolls as a
little kid.
[] Like putting make-up on someone
else for the joy of it.
[] Take pictures of yourself when
you're bored.

Total: 5
Take total & multiply by 10.
Score: 50% girl.

im 120% boy and 50% girl! im a boy! yay!

hmmm?

2007-09-26T23:31:00.000+08:00

ok, i have completely no idea wat 2 blog. AGAIN. maintaining tis stupid blog is harder than i thought it would be! so, in light of my predicament, i suppose a bit of divine intervention could be in order. if tat were possible that is, but sadly, i suppose that paticular avenue of solutions isn't really suited for people who have no idea wat 2 blog about, so i'm kinda gonna jus blog abt random stuff again.

so... wat in the world 2 blog about?

how about... my hobbies? yeah, we'll do my hobbies. what? u dun wanna hear abt my hobbies? well... then i guess i'll jus haf to think of HOW TO TELL YOU TATS ITS MY BLOG AND I CAN BLOG ABT WATEVER I FRICKIN WAN. =)

ahem, so back to the topic at hand. my hobbies. lets work our way up shall we?

when i was real young, i guess all i really liked to do was collect stickers and stamps, i still have a couple of sticker and stamp books somewhere if i looked for them. yeah, i used to be sophisticated.

as i grew older, stickers and stamps sort of became boring. i mean, the pictures were pretty and all, but i wanted more. so i started reading. i started wif enid blyton and encyclopedias, and moved on to more chim stuff slowly.

ard the middle of pri school, i started collecting stuff again, only tis time it was really 'stuff', as in totally random things, from string spun tops to cardboard. rubbish actually, if u insist on being picky. but i still read, and by tis time i had already progressed to pictureless books.

by the end of pri school, i started listening to music, i can remember stealing my big sis cds, and i paticularly liked some of them. i passed my p5 exams wif wat u might call good results, and my mom bought me my first and only cd player. i still have it. and yep, i was still reading, reading while listening in fact, and by tis time my eyes had become too lousy to see wifout specs. and i had progressed to the point where i wouldnt look at any book thinner than a couple hundred pages, coz i would finish them 2 fast, within a few hours actually.

so, secondary school started, and i started basketball, u might wonder if tis was my first attempt at sports? well, it wasnt, but tis is when i really started playing something everyday. not like the brief trips into soccer or rugby in pri school. and tis obsession continued through my 4 years in sec school, on and off. though im sad to say i still suck at it, BADLY. and i will forever be short.

and now, i started CLUBBING, and HELL YEAH, CLUBBING ROCKS!!!

=D +++ =) +++ =] +++ =} +++ => +++ [= +++ {= +++ (=

i jus wanted the smileys there coz i couldnt think of any other stuff.

so?

2007-09-25T21:38:00.000+08:00

so you've come back, have i missed you? what do u think? how do i feel? damn fucking pissed. why? i have completely no idea, and knowing that only pisses me off more. am i picking on you now? yes i am. why? i think i want to push you so far away. and i have no idea why. i don't understand all this, and if you can even begin to with your immature mind, then explain it to me can? do it before we're unreachable. though i don't think it will make any difference to you.